Paste Magazine Must Hate Me

I’ve done two posts on Paste Magazine recently, the first called “I Hate Paste Magazine” and the second “Ten Reasons I Love Paste Magazine,” and I’ve been delightfully surprised to find that, if you search for “paste magazine” in Google, my hate post is #4, right behind 2 sites from the magazine itself and a Wikipedia article.  That’s about as high as you can get in rankings.  I’d hate to be higher than the magazine itself (seems somehow wrong), and nobody beats Wikipedia.

What’s even funnier than being #4 is that my Paste-love post comes in at #5, right after my hate post.  Talk about being schizophrenic…

So Paste Magazine probably either hates or loves me right now.  Or, in reality, they probably don’t even notice me.

Either way, here’s the link to the Google search so you can see it for yourself, in case you have a hard time typing “www.google.com” into your address bar and searching for “paste magazine” on your own.  I know, it’s hard.

….

In other news, if you search for “christian indie mp3,” I’m ranked #2, which is pretty good for a WordPress blog.  What else am I ranked high for?  Has anybody noticed anything weird?

Ten Reasons I Love Paste Magazine

Back here, I posted on why I hated Paste Magazine, so I figured it was only right to now offer a post on why it’s the best magazine in the world.

1. I only paid $1 for a whole year of it!
2. They’ll review unsigned local artists who have no real business being reviewed by a national magazine.
3. Tons of different music styles are covered in every issue, in addition to movies, games, and books.
4. You get a free CD full of sample music with every issue.
5. Five little words: Ezra Furman and the Harpoons.
6. It’s nice and small, so you won’t strain your back lifting it.
7. They’re where I first heard about Okkervil River, which is a great band.
8. It makes great quick reading for those faster-than-average bathroom runs.
9. Their review of Sandra McCracken was very honest, even a little too positive.
10. Crap, I don’t think I have a tenth reason.

See?  I’m not all crabby and opinionated.

I Hate Paste Magazine

WARNING: This is a rant.  Rules of fairness and objectivity no longer apply.

I hate Paste Magazine.  Well, hate’s a strong word, but I’ve decided I don’t like it.

I paid $1 for a 1-year subscription to it, thinking, “Well, what’s to lose for just a single buck?”  I’m glad I didn’t pay much more because after almost a year I’ve decided I don’t care for it.  Sure, there are good parts to it, but I’ll put those in my “I Love Paste Magazine” post when I get around to it.

What’s not to like in a magazine touting iteslf as finding “signs of life in music, film, and culture”?  Well, it’s thin, pathetically thin.  The articles are mostly boring.  Many of the reviews are unintelligent, overly-snobbish, and miniscule (not that my little line there wasn’t).

What finally forced me to give in and realize I can’t stand the magazine was a recent review of Joe Pug’s EP Nation of Heat.  Not only does the review tell you nothing about the EP other than the fact that “it sounds like there’s something in Joe Pug’s mouth,” it’s pathetically short – a mere 62 words.

First, I’d like a little more about the music than a scant Junior High essay answer, and second, I don’t care that much about Joe Pug’s lisp.  Sure, I want to know he’s got a lisp, but surely there’s something more interesting about the album than that.

Too many of the reviews are written like a roomful of music (or film) snobs constantly snickering at how they can throw random words in to sound smarter than they are.  What the heck does “out-of-vogue unkempt mops of hair” mean?  Who knows what “chaw” is?  And why might it be in Joe Pug’s mouth?  What, exactly, are the “ubiquitous string arrangements” and “thick gloss of reverbed guitars” that Copeland employs on their latest album?

How about some reviews that people can understand?

I paid $1 for an annual subscription to the magazine plus a monthly CD with “the best” new music, according to Paste editors.  I read the magazine and usually get either 1) bored or 2) annoyed at the obsessive use of “I’m smarter than you” adjectives.  I listened to the CDs for a while, but there hasn’t been much good really so I usually just pop ’em on the shelf and ignore ’em.

For a magazine that should be insanely cool, it’s really lame.

Ask me tomorrow and I may have better stuff to say, but for right now, I’m tired of the ubiquitousness of it all.

Note: on further review, Joe Pug’s lisp is pretty strong.