WARNING: This is a rant.  Rules of fairness and objectivity no longer apply.

I hate Paste Magazine.  Well, hate’s a strong word, but I’ve decided I don’t like it.

I paid $1 for a 1-year subscription to it, thinking, “Well, what’s to lose for just a single buck?”  I’m glad I didn’t pay much more because after almost a year I’ve decided I don’t care for it.  Sure, there are good parts to it, but I’ll put those in my “I Love Paste Magazine” post when I get around to it.

What’s not to like in a magazine touting iteslf as finding “signs of life in music, film, and culture”?  Well, it’s thin, pathetically thin.  The articles are mostly boring.  Many of the reviews are unintelligent, overly-snobbish, and miniscule (not that my little line there wasn’t).

What finally forced me to give in and realize I can’t stand the magazine was a recent review of Joe Pug’s EP Nation of Heat.  Not only does the review tell you nothing about the EP other than the fact that “it sounds like there’s something in Joe Pug’s mouth,” it’s pathetically short – a mere 62 words.

First, I’d like a little more about the music than a scant Junior High essay answer, and second, I don’t care that much about Joe Pug’s lisp.  Sure, I want to know he’s got a lisp, but surely there’s something more interesting about the album than that.

Too many of the reviews are written like a roomful of music (or film) snobs constantly snickering at how they can throw random words in to sound smarter than they are.  What the heck does “out-of-vogue unkempt mops of hair” mean?  Who knows what “chaw” is?  And why might it be in Joe Pug’s mouth?  What, exactly, are the “ubiquitous string arrangements” and “thick gloss of reverbed guitars” that Copeland employs on their latest album?

How about some reviews that people can understand?

I paid $1 for an annual subscription to the magazine plus a monthly CD with “the best” new music, according to Paste editors.  I read the magazine and usually get either 1) bored or 2) annoyed at the obsessive use of “I’m smarter than you” adjectives.  I listened to the CDs for a while, but there hasn’t been much good really so I usually just pop ‘em on the shelf and ignore ‘em.

For a magazine that should be insanely cool, it’s really lame.

Ask me tomorrow and I may have better stuff to say, but for right now, I’m tired of the ubiquitousness of it all.

Note: on further review, Joe Pug’s lisp is pretty strong.